friday forte: normal service
Ugh!
Apologies for yesterday's post. It really was "one of those days" and I am so annoyed (annoyed) with myself for letting it get to me. In essence, nothing really dreadful happened but an accumulation of little niggly things finally reached critical mass ...
Anyways, my thoughts last night were churning around and mulling over why exactly I'm trying to Do All Of This. Why am I going back to college part time? Why do I keep on crafting and making stuff? Why do I volunteer? Why do I fill my days when I have no direct parenting to do and the housework is long done (cough - or ignored)? Why do I keep myself sooooo busy that every day is an essay in prioritising? What exactly is the point of doing all of this when it feels like my feet are running in mid air, I'm not making any money, and it makes me stressed? Why? What am I aiming for?
Today was a Pro D day.
The Wee Guy was in childcare cos I thought I would be teaching a wire crochet class in town (I wasn't).
I had homework to do, website writing to plan, marketing, creating, reading .... same as any other day but I did nothing (or as near to nothing as possible).
After dropping off Wee Guy and mr ebb, I called in at City Hall to photograph the Blackberry Artists display (see above). Each month the exhibition is changed out so I try to capture some images for the blog. I'm really pleased with the way the vignette app for Android captures such charming images. This new array of four is a recent 'find'.
Then I paid my business license for the year (it gives me advertising at City Hall among other perks).
I cleaned out mrs pig's floor pen (she was happy).
I printed out some work for the college course and sent off the files to other members of the group project. Even as a part timer, I can contribute.
Then I called in at Tri Cities Family Place to collect the diaries for the newsletter I send out each month. I stayed chatting with Christine for almost three hours .. three hours! It was an absolute tonic. Christine has known me since I arrived in Port Moody. She wrote a reference for my college application. She is full of really great practical advice about parenting and children. She makes my heart sing and my brain engage. She makes me feel that I'm making a difference, that my contributions are valuable. She makes me feel that what I'm doing is worthwhile and possible.
I paid in a cheque at the bank; picked up some dishwasher detergent at Costco; I drove home and finished sewing a cardigan together (am wearing it now).
Pizza.
So - what is the point of what I'm doing?
I'm trying to craft a meaningful life for myself - something that makes sense and helps me fulfill my roles as wife and mother. I'm not approaching it by conventional means and the end result ie. employment, will not be a job in the conventional 9-5 sense. I don't have a map or a plan showing me how to get to what I'm aiming for. I don't even have the guide book to tell me it'll be worthwhile when I get there. Heck, I don't even know if 'there' exists!
There is no single role model in my life who is forging the same path that I can follow along, but there are many, many strong women I am honoured to know, who each give me an idea of how to go forward, how to keep on going forward. Thank you.
i'd like to give each and every one of you who responded to yesterday's post, on Facebook and here on Blogger, a huge hug. thank you for your kind and beautiful comments, and support. i hope one day to deliver the hug and my thanks in person :)
