Colombiana is equal parts stupid and sexy - Straight.com
Starring Zoe Saldana, Cliff Curtis, and Michael Vartan. Rated PG.
The makers of grimy, nonsensical thriller Colombiana were super-thoughtful toward moviegoers of both sexes. For chicks thinking of becoming revenge-killers—and why not?—always remember to wear your black catsuit minus your bra so as to accentuate your nipples while you're working. You may also want to consider the tiny-underwear-only option because it's just so adorable with heavy weaponry. And guys, you can watch slinky Zoe Saldana and her petite breasts demo-ing these strategies for stylish yet sensible wet work.
French writer-producer Luc Besson and director Olivier Megaton seemingly went to a megaton of trouble to create their nutso story filled with guns, explosions, clichés, and faux-Colombian bad guys that remind you a bit of the wacky Cubans in Scarface, except dull. And serious props for making the usually effervescent, intelligent Zoe Saldana almost boring as badass heroine Cataleya.
Years before she turns one-woman whacking machine, the parents of young Cataleya (Amandla Stenberg) get rubbed out in Bogotá by gangster types, thus giving grown-up Cataleya a reason to get up in the morning and put on her catsuit. Oh, there's a cool parkour-style chase through the Bogotá slums—was that really cute little Stenberg jumping onto those rooftops or a wee creepy man in a schoolgirl uniform?
Contract-killing for her American uncle Emilio (Cliff Curtis, good even in bad films), Cateleya likes doodling in lipstick on her victims' chests to bait her parents' murderers. Um, those guys aren't that hard to find, girl! As for her artist fuck buddy (Michael Vartan), the FBI, and the CIA, wow, excellent investigating, dumb guys! Everything Cataleya does is wholly impossible, but there's a fight using bath towels and toothbrushes that's like Jason Bourne killing that dude with that book. There are no books in Colombiana, but there's no way anybody in this movie can read anyway.
31 Aug, 2011--
Source: http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=t&fd=R&usg=AFQjCNFy9W2HNjZT68oVuosAxbsPbVFCvA&url=http://www.straight.com/article-443521/vancouver/colombiana-equal-parts-stupid-and-sexy
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